Send “✆” for a morning text.
Send “✉” for a text that wasn’t sent.
Send “☎” for a rushed text.
Send “⁇” for a drunk text.
Send “✿” for a suggestive text.
Send “ø” for a late night text.
Send “✘” for a hateful text.
Jeremy Renner hints that Hawkeye may show up in Captain America 3 😆
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT, MCU
- ( text ) : uh, do you have my pants because i have yours
- ( text ) : let’s play another game of whose boxers are hanging on my fence
- ( text ) : update. a gay guy just told me that i’m the most beautiful thing with a vagina he has ever seen. how should i feel about this?
- ( text ) : i’m sorry about all the inappropriate shoe throwing.
- ( text ) : you killed a bottle of bacardi in 20 minutes. so much for being an organ donor.
- ( text ) : why can’t burritos get me drunk?
- ( text ) : i know you’re on a date and i should leave you alone, but about twenty minutes ago, i realized i haven’t been spanked in years so if you’re still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
- ( text ) : why is my bath tub filled with mud?
- ( text ) : i’ve noticed we slowly have begun to phase the “b” out of our bromace.
- ( text ) : you just jumped of the couch and yelled “hidden tiger crouching dragon!” that’s the answer to how you broke your finger.
- ( text ) : this is what my life has come to. drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
- ( text ) : if i open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
- ( text ) : apparently all year, they’ve been using me as a standard for drunkenness.
- ( text ) : all i’m saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding i wash the stolen dye from his hair. i’m not doing that a second time.
- ( text ) : i need to stop drunkenly getting naked. i’m losing all my party clothes.
- ( text ) : please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. i mean he’s the one with paint on his face. i don’t need him judge judying me.
- ( text ) : sooooo, how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital, but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
- ( text ) : hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
- ( text ) : so much for not drinking this week after this weekend. congrats, you made it until tuesday.
- ( text ) : i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A laptop, a digital watch, a cell phone, the pneumatic actuator from your bazooka over there, a map of town, a big spring, and a tuna fish sandwich.
Tagged by compassionforweakness
Six similarities between Mun and Muse
- sarcastic to a fault
- perseverance is a thing for us both
- stubborn in mostly annoying ways
- lonely loners
- we’re both organized but also messy
- sleeping in is a necessary part of lifeSix differences between Mun and Muse
- clint falls for people hard and fast, whereas i am a lot more reserved
- clint is a very tactile person and i am not.
- i am generally afraid of heights, meanwhile clint likes jumping off of tall things
- i hate coffee
- clint has very little care for education while it is probably the most important thing in my life
- clint enjoys danger much more than i do
Did you look at yourself before you left?
Hey, fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I’m here to pick up a fossil.